this is it.  tmo came today and took my household goods away.  my room looks alot bigger without my stuff in it.  within two hours they were here, packed up my shit, and left. 

tomorrow we are driving to the redwoods for camping all weekend.  it should be nice.  maybe a little rainy, but nice. 

my blues are mostly ready and hanging in the closet.  we had to bitch a little but tsgt bartley should be graduating us.  he is getting deployed really soon and he has to get all sorts of training.  he was scheduled for m16 training tues.  his replacement is kinda here, but we dont even know her.  i would rather just get my certificate and leave than some stranger graduate us.  so col wilson is talking to readiness and changing his training date.  good.graduation as planned, with bartley. 

so much going on.  so much stress.  who wants reality anyway.

i dont want to leave here.  that does not mean i dont miss people and want to go home. i want to visit home and relax a bit.  see people that i miss, and its been too long since i saw some people.  it just sucks not having a place to go.  and where i am going is not a happy place. its a very stressful place. where i probably wont be able to relax at all.  i will be home only two weeks then the tdy to wright-pat.  but my cats still need to stay home.

i really miss my cats.

i am really looking forward to my drive home. it should be really good.  all i need is that certificate and i am free. 

location: empty room mood: drained music: Blue October

this is really almost it.  taking my cats to the airport really made it hit home. i am leaving here really soon. 

the cats are on the plane to pa.
tmo is taking my stuff away a week from today.
i graduate in a week and a half.
my drive home starts in two weeks(minus one day).
i will be home two weeks from this monday.

location: home mood: indescribable music: eve 6

two weeks from today i will no longer be a student for the air force.  i will have graduated and leaving california the next morning. 

i started this lj cuz i was going away for school.  13 and  a half months gone.  i have been thru so much in the past year, i love it.  dallas, ft worth, schlitterbaun water park, lawton at phase one.  yosemite, mt diablo, la, san diego zoo, san fran, sacramento, lake tahoe. santa cruz beach, and soon redwood state park, at phase three. 

i am completely done with my work for this school.  i am basically waiting out the days on my orders and getting stuff ready to go home.  the cats are flying home thurs.  tmo is picking up my household goods next thurs.  then  we have a four day weekend and we are camping in the redwoods.  then tue, may 27th i graduate.  wed, may 28th me and jodie begin our drive home.  wow. 

i should be home mon june 2nd. 

location: california mood: nostalgic music: Gnarls Barkley - Just a Thought

today is our last block test.  and of course its the 80 question chemistry test...  over 12 months of school, and after today i will be done with class.  :-)  finally.

mood: accomplished music: sneaker pimps-six underground

it really sucks when you try to always be nice to someone and they dont seem to realize it. in fact, they are increasingly more inconsiderate to you.  and if you say anything they are so matter-of-fact about their statements you feel like its a slap in the face.  i really wonder what they are thinking .  i have a hard time believing people can be so inconsiderate on purpose.  i mean its just basic common courtasy.  i really wonder what they are thinking.  in there mind, why they did what they did, or said what they said.  there has to be some logical reason, right?  i would ask but i am sure it would not be met nicely. 

and no, i am not talking about who you think.  its not that obvious.  

its late and i should be sleeping cuz 530 is going to come too early.  i worked til 8 but i have to be back at normal morning time tomorrow cuz i am leaving early.  yay, mom is visiting!!!  its going to be a good weekend. 

location: bed, where i should be sleeping mood: aggravated music: tool

red is a difficult color to artificially keep.  when hair is dyed red it tends to fade faster than any other color.  a brand new red shirt can ruin a whole load of laundry.  when painting nails red, use a base coat underneath cuz the red can stain the nails and not completely come off. 

i dyed my hair again today, its so much easier now that its shorter. 

i am going to be a pirate tomorrow.  there is a medieval festival in downtown vacaville tomorrow.  i dont know what to expect for this one so i figured i'd dress fun but not too much costume.  that was untill i saw that there is a costume contest.  :-)  i know i wont win, but it will be fun to enter.  well, i will probably enter.  if i go to the festival and see so many elaborate costumes, i will probably not bother.  but i will still be a pirate for a day again. 

i am working late shift for awhile.  1-9pm.  i like it.  i get to sleep in and still sleep at night.  socially, i never liked this shift.  but during the week i didnt do much after work so its not a big deal.  i feel like i have so much more free time and i am more awake.  i might even stop drinking redbull everyday.  haha.  ...maybe.

mood: hopeful music: girl band mix

hm...well

i dont really know what to say to you

the past few months really have been a crazy rollarcoaster.  and i think i am getting motion sickness from it and i am about to get off.

so its been a full 12 months since i have been gone.  just enough time for me to actually want to go home again...at least for a little while.  i take my chemistry practical monday and then i move to blood bank tuesday.  the class above me graduates tues too.  so that means i have 6 weeks left here.  it really is exciting. 

hopefully very soon after i get back to pa i am going tdy for 30-45 days in ohio.  for phase 3.  just some on the job training and such, very redundant since i just did all this stuff but oh well.  its more time on orders and its a lot closer to home.  only 4 hours away instead of 34.  after that i guess i will have to find a job again.  hm. 

my cats are both asleep, maybe i should sleep too?

i have alot on my mind right now but no outlet for it.  it started out a very bad bad week this week.  bad at work and worse in personal life.  then as the week progressed the at work go better cuz i made it better.  then the home life .... has yet to be resolved but it doesnt do any good to dwell on things and let sadness ruin all aspects of life.  right....

the next six weeks are going to fly by.  i'll be home before you know it.

mood: melancholy music: razor love

sigh......

this was a crazy week, but things are calming down a bit.  i am now in chemistry in the lab.  working in chemistry makes the day go by so much faster. we are alot more busy and the machines break on a daily basis.  rarely a dull moment there.  hehe.  actually, we are in chemistry in lecture too. 

yesterday in lecture i was drawing the new tattoo i want instead of paying attention.

my lower back has been hurting me recently, hence the flexeril.  kinda sucks, makes it hard in the drawing room.  and when i take flexeril, it makes me want to go to bed.  seriously, that pill makes going to bed the best idea in the world, i dont want to do anything else but go to bed.  bad thing is i am still sleepy the whole next day.  that sucks when i have to work.  we will see tonight how long it will make me sleep for.

wow, last time i looked at the clock, i swear it said 8  pm.  and that wasnt that long ago.  now its 940....maybe i need to go to bed.


hehe.

good night

location: bed mood: sleepy music: gnarls barkley

... does enough become enough?

things have not been so happy for me lately in dealing with people back home.

 however, dealing with people here, everything is going pretty well.  took a little trip with a lot of people last weekend.  drama aside, i had a great time and am very glad i went. 

in lab i am almost out of hematology.  next section is chemistry.  not too bad.  three months left.  sigh, i want to leave but i am not sure i want to go home. 

i am very excited for jodie coming out here, and for our drive home.  that drive home is my vacation and it will be great. 

i really thought i felt like writing tonight.  i guess not.  i really feel like talking to the person causing me the most mess right now.  but i dont think he wants to talk to me. 

after i get home, i want to get a small place, just me and my cats.  that sounds really nice right now.  peaceful. 

mood: tired music: sara bareilles - bottle it up

we sat in class for 8+ hours a day, studied our asses off, took these test.  stressed about them.  then finally we were so happy to graduate phase one.  for what?  to come and do it all over again, this time with the added stress of working on the bench also.  oh well, manual cell counts will have to wait til the parasite test is done with. 

i guess it is 'easier' work here, but i think the only reason its easier is cuz we did just go thru it all a few months ago. 

oh well, only a few more months and it will be over, and it is all worth it.  i am just tired of studying.  i want a break.

location: in front of the comp? mood: full music: less than jake

happy valentines day......





why do i actually care this year?

location: nowhere mood: numb music: tv

another dream.

i was in a hospital or something like that and i guess i needed an IV.  first this lady nurse tries to put it in my arm.  i tell her where my decent AC veins are and they really were where my good veins are in real life.  so she is trying to get blood out of my arm.  she is digging and digging with this thing and i ever offered to do it myself.  so she keeps trying and trying.  its not really hurting me but its leaving holes all up and down my arm.  when she is digging, she is moving up my arm and you would think it would leave straight lines, cuz that is how she is moving.  but it just leaves multiple holes in lines up my arms.  not really bleeding, just there.  so this guys who was standing in behind her gets frustrated and gives it a try.  he is a little better and after a few tries, gets the iV in my arm.  its in my left upper arm, pretty much above my bicep. 

so they attach this thick tubing to it for the blood to come out.  only its not really blood, its more clear-ish.  but i know its blood.  and not much is coming out, and i am holding a piece of gauze for it to collect on.  and now that that is set up, i am moving around and doing stuff.  i am not sure what, but i am with other people.  and on occasion the tube stops having 'blood' flowing thru it so i have to stop and straighten my arm and the 'blood' starts flowing again.  and then i am on my way, doing whatever it is that i am very busy doing. 

vivid dreams this week, and i am actually remembering them. 

happy new year!!!



oks, i need to add onto this. the blood coming out of my arm was not a bad thing in the dream.  it was almost like it was getting rid of impurities.  and the holes on my arms were like the marks of change, but it was worth it.  i wasnt upset about them at all.  the IV was necessary.  and good. 

location: my room mood: numb music: silence is golden

me and becky are at our house, but its not this house that we are living in now.  its a huge house with a big, gated in yard.  metal gate/fence, so you can see thru easily.  part of the time we are inside, part of the time we are outside with the boys playing in the yard.  its always dark.  first i answer the front door.  there is a girl there, probably a year or two younger then me. dark hair, pale.  wearing something pale but has a dark shawl or blanket wrapped around her.  she almost floats up to the door and all she says is cold.  once, long and drawn out.  i shut the door and lock it.  then i wake up with a jump, my heart is racing. 

i am barely able to sleep as it is, and this is what i dream about.

i finally calm down and fall back asleep.  this time me and becky are outside with her boys, still at night, the same night.  i see that same girl coming up to the back "gate" or door or what ever.  and yet i still go to it and open it.  it opens the same way our sliding back door opens in this house.  she says cold again, and this time becky helps me shut the door.  and i think i woke up again.  i knew it wasnt this house,  and i was not too freaked out that she was here or anything.  but my heart was still racing. 

one of the cats was in the middle of the bed, so i was laying sideways around him.  haha, of course i cant move him.  there was not much sleep for jen last night.  and i was not cold when i woke up, if anything i was kinda warm. 

ripped a contact this morning, so that meant glasses for the day.  something just feels off about today.  it was a strange weekend, and a even stranger monday.  somehow i am thinking this whole week is going to be off.  the question is, do i want it to go back to 'normal'?  change is a good thing and happens for a reason. 

location: nowhere mood: blank music: none

here it is, christmas eve.  and i am sitting on the couch, next to the sleeping cat.  across the room from the sleeping dog.  about to face Garuda at the castle in Saronia.  haha.  ok, so now i moved to the kitchen table, right next to the sleeping dog and the cat woke up so he could sleep on my lap.  or chase his tail while on top of me.....

so earlier i was relatively festive.  i baked cookies!!  candy cane cookies, peanut blossoms, and i made the batter for the sugar cookies.  tomorrow we will roll those out and do the whole cookie cutter thing.  we are having a few people over tomorrow.  just the students who didnt go home and another friend or two.  it should be a good time, nothing big. 

um...i feel like i am kinda boring tonight...oh, we got a dog.  his name is basil.  thats pronounced like the spice, not the gay name.  he is about 6-7 months old.  brindle colored, which means not one solid color kinda.  he is a kinda brownish orangeish with black stripes.  he looks like a tiger.    he's pretty.  we were told he is a boxer mix, which he might be....if that mix is with a pitt bull.  but we knew that before we got him,  he is really well behaved for a puppy. 

so xmas presents will all be sent out late, its just how it is.  some people i havent even bought them yet, but most people i at least know what i am getting them.  i think i even found the digital camera i am getting al, finally getting a camera!!!  hehe, its worth the money for him to be able to send pictures.  and i want plenty of pictures!!!! 

i'm kinda tired right now, but i havent been sleeping all too well so i am definately not going to bed yet.  i have been sick for the last week. the kind of sick and congested where if you close your mouth you are going to suffocate yourself.  hehe, thats a quote from becky.  we were both sick, tho she got over hers within like 3 days and i am still feeling it.  just congested and coughing.  eh, i'll live.  it kinda sucks when i finally get a few days off to relax and sleep in, i wake up earlier than i do on weekends normally.   and we have been rather busy, as usually.  next weekend is not going to be any better, but it will be tons of fun so its ok.

the dog is snoring...

tomorrow might be a little weird, but hopefully all the people over will make it seem ok and not sad.  i am ok with not being home for this break, its the not home for xmas that i am not used to.  this is my first xmas away from home.  while i am not quite homesick still, its just weird.  not just being away from family, but from friends too.  its ok tho.  i am having a great time here. 

seriously, life is pretty good.  which tells me that it will never go back to how it was before i left, which is good.  i needed this.  i have about five months left here and i am going to make the most of it. 

location: living room/dining room/kitchen area mood: content music: happy playlist

maybe i should say why i am not coming home for xmas.  well, maybe i dont really need to.  but anyway.  i dont feel the need to come home for xmas.  yeah, this is my first time not home for the holidays, but thats ok. yeah i miss my family, but not in a homesick kinda way, they have too much drama and there would be no peace if i came home.  maybe thats a large part of it, i dont like drama.  there is so much drama going on in my family with who doesnt like who's wife, and she's a bitch, and my pap in the nursing home drama, and my parents finances drama, and my brothers new house has rats.  aahh, i just dont want to deal with it. there is enough going on with the classwork, the lab work, the drama ina micro that i am finally out of. 

seriously, i dont want to add the drama of home on top of it.  its supposed to be peaceful and happy if i would come home for xmas.  it wouldnt be at all. 

for a very good example, look at when i came home for that week.  i was happy, i just passed phase one, on my way to california.  yeah, happy times, right?  eh, kinda.  i am glad i got to see my family and friends.  but there was simple drama that i could have done without.  yeah, that almost makes me sound snobby but seriously.  i didnt really get to relax.  i guess it was kinda my fault too cuz i felt unsettled being home.  but i could have honestly done with out going home.  people were busy and i had to try to schedule people in so i could visit people, i was running around constantly.  so what makes anyone think i want to do that all over again for xmas?  i'm not saying its just my family, its just mostly my family.

 i dunno, i just felt like i didnt fit in.  and now mom wants me to come back home after this and live in her house again.  um, no.  i just cant do that.  i do not want to go back home, fall into the same rut i always do and not really progress anywhere in my life.  i am not saying i am gonna stay here or anything.  i am coming home.  tho it would be nice to stay here, i am happy here.  but i wont leave my base and i want to be closer to home. i want to take this happiness with me home.  i am sure i can do it.  i have a new car, i have a kitty or two coming home with me.  and i will have a certification that should get me a decent job.  i can do this. 

its tempting to just move a bit outside gbg or pgh.  not too far, but not in there anymore.  close enough for visits, but far enough out to be on my own and away from most drama.   jodie wants me to move to maryland with her.  hm, maybe.  that might be a bit far away but i will see when it gets closer to me coming home.  i will let jobs help me decide.  i am happy with how open my choices are.  life is pretty good right now. 

location: monster house mood: content music: Sublime - Garden Grove

so i will not be coming home for xmas.  i think everyone pretty much knows that by now.  its expensive and its ok that i am not home for the holidays.  i will be home in june.  me and becky are just kinda hanging out here for xmas.  we have to work the wed, thur, fri after xmas. then its off to vegas for new years!!  we are driving and staying with friends so it shouldnt be too expensive.  i'm excited!! 

oh yeah, my address. 

545 Edenderry Dr.
Vacaville CA 95688

location: my room mood: amused music: orson - no tomorrow

wow, its been awhile.  i am in california now.  living in a nice house with becky and her kids.  Isaiah is 6 and Gabriel is 7.  life is busy but pretty good.  the car is doing great, i love it. 

today was my last day working in microbiology.  there was so much drama in micro i really dont feel like writing about any of it here.  the school/work thing is kinda hectic most days.  work in the lab most of the time and class for two hours tue/wed/thur.  the weeks go by quick tho.  for all of dec, we are working saturdays, which sucks and is retarded.  but like i said, i dont want to bitch about drama.  i try to forget about that stuff when i get home.  Mr. Franklin is our phase two coordinator.  he is retiring in jan and tsgt bartley is taking over.  this is a good thing, i think.  class work is going ok i guess.  i am doing not as good in class, but my main concern is the lab work.  i enjoyed working in micro alot.  i would like to work in micro civilian when i get home.  then again, it was my first section and we will see if i like any of those better.  i doubt it tho, the other sections seem monotonous.  but we will see. 

we got cats, two brothers.  they are almost 6 mo old now.  Anubis is solid black and Navajo is black with a white patch on his chest.  they can be such pains in the butts, but i love them.  right now navajo is half sitting on me and anubis is roaming around the room, like usual. 

thanksgiving was good.  al was out here visiting for 9 days over thanksgiving.  i am really happy he come to visit, we had a good time.  busy time as usual for here, but it was nice to see him.  Mr2 Dave also came over.  i hadnt seen him for about two years.  we had ten people here total, it was great.  and we deep fried the turkey!! it turned out fantastic.  i wont be going home for christmas.  i know i upset a couple people with that but it saves me money.  that just means that you all should come out and visit me!!  we might be going to san diego the weekend before christmas, and we will be going to las vegas for new years.  i'm really excited.

california is nice.  most days are clear blue skies.  i discovered i like palm trees alot, not sure why but they are awesome and i want one.  its over a week into december and its still around 55 degrees here.  that is really nice.  yeah, i'm sure next year i will want the snow and such again but for now i am good with being in cali. 

i dont get homesick nearly as often as i thought i would.  i am very happy i chose to crosstrain.  yeah there is drama, but its worth it to be here and do this.  i will be in cali thru the end of may.  then i will be driving home and taking my time getting there.  i miss the people more than i miss being home.  thats why i wish everyone could come out and visit me while i am here.  i know that in just a few more months i will be home, but still.  its an excuse to visit cali. 

location: vacaville :-) mood: okay music: none, which is surprising

my last night at sheppard afb...

18 weeks in a place i never want to go back to again.  i am very excited to leave but i am also very sad.  i have met some great people here that i never want to forget.  i have also had some great times.  hehe.  it was just 4 and a half months but i feel like i have been thru so much.  i made a great friend who i am going to see again in a week or so out at travis afb,  cali.  i met a great person who helped me smile even if i was grumpy.  i also met the person who i dislike more than anyone i have ever met.  this tech school taught me more than just med lab.  i learned more patience, tact, and how to make the most mundane task exciting.  i hope that i get the chance to meet up with some of my class again.  a couple people i am sure i will.  new years in vegas!!!  haha. 

so i fly home tomorrow and i will be home for about a week.  then i get to start phase 2 of the med lab training.  9 months in california.  its gonna be great!! 


table crew......word.

deuces sheppard

location: rm 5633 for the last time mood: grateful